Smoke 'em if you got 'em
by Arkham Insanity
Summary: Havoc takes Ed under his wing to teach him how to smoke.


Smoke 'em if you got 'em

Smoke 'em if you got 'em

Mustang's office was cramped. Stacks of portable filling cabinets were pushed against the walls. Long tables stretched out in front of Mustangs desk where his full staff was busy shuffling through the papers.

It was that time of year again. The time when all the brass wanted detailed inventory taken of the past year.

This usually took individual departments several weeks to complete, but Roy simply pulled every available enlisted man under his command to finish it in 3 days.

Though there was usually a fair bit of grumbling at the task. No one really minded too much as Roy always rewarded them well with a steak dinner after.

Ed though was not as easily bought and was very annoyed at having been pulled away from his research to act as a secretary. Ed sighed and riffled through his stack of papers making time to glare at Roy's desk whenever he got the opportunity.

Lieutenant Havoc who was working across from Ed suddenly stood to his feet.

"Be back in a second Chief." Ed looked to see Roy wordlessly acknowledged his subordinate. Havoc stretched and stood up.

"Me too" Edward said standing; he was itching to move around.

"Sit down Fullmetal."

"B-but why? Havoc taking a break." Eds voice bordered on a whine.

"That's because Havoc is taking a smoke break." Roy answered not bothering to look up from the papers he was sorting.

"So, what's the difference?"

"Military regulation states that once an hour soldiers are allowed a 5 minuet break to light up." Roy's emotionless voice recited.

Ed looked back at Havoc who was smiling to himself, pulling a white tobacco filled cylinder from his pocket.

Ed was increasingly growing agitated, he didn't even want to be here to begin with, and with this growing feeling of inequality he blurted out.

"Then if that's what it takes to get a break around here, then I guess I will just have to start smoking." Ed stood up from his chair forcefully.

"No your not." Roy called back calmly, his voice as even as ever. The colonel's mere lack of surprise at Ed's outburst seemed to infuriate the boy further.

"WHY NOT! Why is it that Havoc can smoke and not me." Eds voice had now reached that familiar aggressive pitch.

"Because Havoc is a 30 year old bachelor with no future.

"HEY!" Havoc shot back.

"And you're a 15 year old child with a long life a head of you and I will not allow you to cut it short by smoking." Roy returned still not even glancing up to look at Edward. 'Now if you are finished with your childish whining, I suggest you get back to work before I lose my patience and make it so you do the rest of your work standing up."

Ed heard Breda let a choke of laughter at Roy's threat. Everyone knew that Ed occasionally was disciplined by the colonel in a parental type way; though it had never been something spoken out loud.

Eds face erupted in blushing and he sat down irritably wishing very badly to punch the colonel in the face.

Edward had never been so grateful to be dismissed for lunch in his life. he was the first one out of Roy's office and was almost running to the mess hall.

"Hey Fullmetal wait up" Ed heard someone call after him just as he reached the bottom of the steps, it was Jean Havoc, Ed ignored him at first still angry at him for getting an extra break.

"Hey don't be like that," Havoc said catching up with the boy and throwing a floppy arm around his shoulder.

"I just wanted to let you know how proud I was of you back there." Havoc said grinning, the all too familiar unlit cigarette dangling from his lips.

"Y-you are?" Ed was surprised now.

"Sure, you have a right to smoke just like anyone else here in the military, no matter what the colonel said, you're a state alchemist, I mean you have the ranking of a freaking major!"

That concept always seemed to elude Edward; sure he was technically a major, but because of his age, he was never really treated like one. Ed suddenly noticed that Havoc had steered him outside and they were now standing between main building and the mess hall. Havoc let go of Edward and to his surprise, he watched the man hold out a slender cigarette.

"Here take it, your earned it." Havoc said, when Ed didn't make a move the lieutenant popped it into the boys loose lips and flicked out his lighter.

Ed's eyes widened in surprise and he tried taking a step back but the wall of the main building blocked the way.

"W-wait I don't know how –"

"No worries kid, I'll show you…no need to thank me!" Havoc smiled lighting the end of Ed's cigarette.

Ed eyes suddenly watered as the acrid smoke pooled in front of his face.

'Not like that kid, you have to inhale!" Havoc then sharply smacked Ed's shoulder, the force making him swallow a mouth full of the smoke. Ed coughed suddenly, feeling unable to breath for a second.

"No worries, the first one is always the hardest, but it will smooth out trust me." Havoc said taking a long drag from his own-lit cigarette.

Ed finally controlled his constricting throat and then tried puffing the tobacco filled tube.

He was relived that he didn't cough this time. But he also noticed that his stomach wasn't feeling too good. Using two of his fingers Ed pulled the cigarette from his lips.

"H-havoc I don't think-." but he was cut off as Havoc shoved the cigarette back in his mouth.

"Your doing fine kid, trust me, just give it some time, by the end of the week you will smoking like an old pro, and I can tell you what a stress reliever it can be at the end of the day."

Ed wasn't listening, the smoking cylinder seemed to be growing larger in his mouth as the smoke became more concentrated, he could feel its tendrils reaching up into his nostrils burning the sensitive tissue. But worst of it was that the nausea was building and he felt himself feeling heady as he swayed slighting from side to side.

At this point Havoc stopped talking and looked at Fullmetal.

"Hey, are you alright, kid?" he sounded slightly worried, as Eds face seemed to take on a green tone.

Ed suddenly felt his stomach lurch and he knew it was coming up.

"E-excuse me Lieutenant." said between his teeth as he suddenly bolted away from Havoc in the direction of the latrine.

Havoc stood there in the shadow of the building, the half smoked cigarette still smoldering on the ground.

"You're a cruel man Havoc." Mustangs said stepping out from the side of the mess hall. Havoc shrugged then bent down to pick up the cigarette.

"Thanks, Colonel I learned from the best," The Lieutenant smiled. "Too bad I had to waste a good cig to teach him a lesson."

Mustang shook his head smirking.

"Too bad someone didn't do the same to you when you were his age."

"I guess no one cared enough, it's a shame really." Havoc turned, a look of regret ghosting his face.


End file.
